Guys thank you so much for your support today it was
really nice specially from those who are not Muslims, I'd like to share a little bit how I felt the experience today...
This is not the first time I wear hijab on the street, I made it in Colombia, Spain (not a good one), Egypt and here... well I think I should set how have been each one so you will get an idea.
In Colombia (2007-2009) my friends and I use to wear hijab Friday to go to pray and later do something in order to share, and why not, invite people interested in Islam, but when I wear hijab in my country my fear is just attract glances, because we do not have many foreigners in Colombia and many people when see a girl wearing hijab they think “…ohh she is a foreigner”, “she is Arab”, I also feel quite nervous of hearing funny comments like “today is not halloween” or “look, look a witch”, for some girls is very offensive in my case I just laugh because they are very “ingenious” to make this comments… in the beginning I didn’t use to wear hijab from my house because I felt relatively tense about my mom who is catholic, but slowly I started to show it, and to conquer her, I follow one advice “ask your mother which color or hijab suits better on you” and it worked. For our neighbors, I think, it became normal to look at me wearing hijab, even I can remember one saying me “you look beautiful like virgin Mary ”…
I remember always people on the metro watching me and whispering about my clothes, or the taxi drivers making a lot of questions about our rights and how we are “oppressed”, but I believe that for all of them it was a huge surprise to know that I was a catholic before, not Arab family, not married and a “paisa” (people from our land). To sum up the impression or feeling I got always from my city about wearing hijab was a mixture of curiosity and fear, but for me was always a nice one.
Now let’s move to Andalucia, España 2009, what Arab do not know about al-andalus?... I guess not Arabs but also muslims we should know about al-andalus, it was once the summit of development of the sciences in Europe… and I don’t want to fly into beautiful details like Alhambra. I went to Spain for one year to study, I had some mates who were staying with me all year although we had different classes, my favorite one was “cross-cultural communication” I have to confess that I learnt a lot and it open my mind in order to understand how other cultures think, just amazing!... I knew that in Spain there was a hard discrimination against Arabs or “moros” as they called them, I saw it by my eyes, but I never expected to live it by myself. I had a class about “cross-cultural communication”, I was dealing with educated people who knew I was Muslim and after one year , I never estimated that wearing hijab would change anything… I got a huge surprise. That day I went for Friday prayer and we had the final exam for my beloved class, in deed I wanted change my clothes but I didn’t have time, so I thought that would not be any problem in going with such clothing to class, but I just can remember the feeling when I entered to the room and the looks fell on me.
I was in shock, the reaction of my mates was paralyzing, like when with a look you can build a barer saying “Do not sit next to me” or “Did you become crazy?”… so sad, we were studying for four months about pluralism, cross-culture, cultural references and symbols, bla, bla, bla… very nice concepts that in a “developed ” world are not practiced at all. I remember the guy who made the exam with me was shaking, and he made me many questions before to be relaxed… My teacher was so nice that day he asked me if I wanted use it always and how I was feeling, clearly he knew and he loves his profession. I hope I would had found more people like him. In my opinion each person should tolerate the belief and freedom of others.
After that, my next experience was in Egypt 2010, there I really learnt a lot. I was a student of Islamic and Arabic studies, of course I was studing creed, practicing, recitation of qur’an and Arabic, my teachers were so nice two of them were wearing niqab (all in black only showing their eyes) but I got use to that, and even to recognize them, my mate also was wearing it, I had to men teachers and other teacher who was wearing only hijab, all of them were really kind and helpful… I felt that I was like a kid on school, even I was already four years muslim, I felt like discovering a new entire world, but Ramadan came, and in fact I was so happy as Christman (it’s hard to leave the habit for me) I love Ramadan too, but with it a hard new came… Hard? Strange? I don’t know, in the place I was studying they manifested me that I had to wear hijab… I was really mad, I couldn’t believe someone was trying to impose me such a thing, I always believed If we do it have to be because our faith, not because a normal imperfect human is asking it.
I called my husband I told him what was happening, he said me “I have never ever tell you any world about it, why they are doing it?”
I though all afternoon I decided do not go out in order to do not obey the order, at night I said ok, I will do it, but god knows I don’t want to do it. I wore hijab for some weeks because I left the country before the fest of ending, but I really could realize how bad can one feels when is forced to wear hijab against her will, I just though about the girls in Iran how they do? Or the girls in France and Belgium that cannot how they can do it?...
My next experience after some trips would be again in Egypt (2012), although I do not wear hijab and I do not consider myself even a good Muslim, I went to al-azhar to study by one month with a scholarship, I knew the high possibility of wearing hijab, so I was ready for it and of course the first day: scarf on hair ladies… I was wearing my hijab in all classes, I didn’t had any problem, but outside, out hijab… maybe because the environment was different, maybe because we were going to many touristic places and we really were dealing with Egyptians all the time, by first time in my life I felt that I really needed to wear it… I don’t see myself as a beauty girl or something like that, I’m normal, but I couldn’t stand guys looking at me, the way they were doing it… it was not morbid but it was really, really uncomfortable, it’s like when you have the feeling that they are not only looking at you but also they are thinking and pretending things, it’s awful, and worst it’s out of our hands… then I found the wisdom of wearing hijab, unfortunately I am a very weak person to wear it always and carry with such responsibility.
Now let’s finish with today, here in Turkey 2013 “world hijab day” a good initiative to support girls wearing it… why not? I love the idea that we can be one world with many colors, shapes and smells… I knew that here in Turkey there is a group of people who do not like Islam or simply religions… I don’t know exactly what they like or not because in my opinion they even don’t know it… because for me being secular and being atheist are two things different (maybe I’m wrong I hope they explain me someday). Since I came here I noted that there is not any middle point, you are black or you are white, you are very religious or you are not at all. It’s my personal feeling. Ok, so I clean my nails from black polish I prepared my clothes and I spent more than 30 minutes trying to wear a good hijab, do not showing my hair, one was very transparent, other didn’t cover my chest… bla, bla, bla, finally I went out with a non-turkish hijab style.
I was anxious and very nervous I wanted also to taste the “secular” system here. Maybe was my impression but I felt how some people were staring at me not in the best way… I knew also my teacher would not react so enthusiastic because even she do not say openly she has manifested before some orientations about religion or whatever means for her. I have to clarify that she is very lovely and nice person and I don’t have any feeling against her (it’s just my perception). She saw me, but she didn’t say or make anything before one of the mates remarked about the issue that we were wearing hijab. Certainly she couldn’t dissimulate, was so clear she didn’t know what to say, worst yet in a moment in the class she said “I cannot get use to” I just reply “don’t worry just don’t think about it”, she said I seemed so different, but her “different” or “farkli” in Turkish didn’t seem to be positive, I felt uncomfortable of course!… my sister in law had to wear wig to attend class because wearing hijab was banned, one of my friends (Turkish) had to change her university because a ---- “professor” used to stopped the lectures when she was entering to the classroom. I just thought and evaluate how intolerants human beings have become? Turkey has a 99% Muslim population. Today class for me was so excited maybe the teacher was as uncomfortable as me, I ask to myself what she is thinking about, I mean, I cannot understand her reaction, sure her granny was wearing it. To complete my day I went for shopping and I ask for help in all cases they were rude and when I spoke in English their reaction was like “English?”… I didn’t have a good day, I knew it could happened, to end I was pushed in the metro and not once... and again I feel all those hated stares on me. Today I felt that the treatment for “hijabis” here is different.
To sum up all my experiences and leave a conclusion, I didn’t expect a congratulation but respect, I am free to wear or not wear whatever I want, and at least people should respect the belief of others. As Muslim is very, very hard to know that you can be more relaxed in your country than in a developed or Muslim one. Today I decided to wear hijab because I was forced once to wear it, and because I know girls who had to leave it, as I said in my statement “for those who have to, and for those who cannot”, I supported today World Hijab Day
